The rest of the week passed by quickly. I enjoyed most of my class but favored second period. It was nice to work each day with Derek and need no excuse. But Zane wasn’t happy about that. I noticed how Jayce kept a close watch during lunch, but I did my best to avoid him any way. I wasn’t comfortable around him anymore.
Thankfully it was Friday, the last day of the week. But once I reached my locker that morning, I realized what Sam and I had planned. I hadn’t mentioned it to my parents yet, not that it would be a problem. My definition for my first day was “It was alright.” But ‘alright’ was far from the correct answer. My life hadn’t been ‘alright’ for a long while.
As I began unpacking my things and placing them in my locker, I noticed Sam coming up the hall. She waved at me and smiled. I gave a small wave and grabbed my binder and a few books.
“Good morning,” Sam said cheerfully.
“Hey, how are you?”
“I’m good. What about you?”
“I’m fine.” I closed my locker and leaned against it as she began talking about the sleepover she had planned. It was going to be at her mom’s house, here in Kent.
“So how does that sound?” I hadn’t really been paying attention to what she was saying but just nodded and smiled.
“It sounds great.” I glanced at the ground. She peeked over her shoulder to the opposite side of the hallway.
“You weren’t listening at all were you…” she giggled.
“Oh shut up…” my cheeks heated up and I quickly headed down the hallway. I could feel Derek’s eyes on my back.

By the end of the day I was exhausted. But the main reason for that was my decreased amount of sleep. It had been this way since my birthday. I sighed, pushing the thought out of my mind. I quickly put my combination into the dial of my locker and shoved all that I needed into my backpack. This was now a daily routine.
“Hey,” Derek stood next to me. This had also become a routine.
“Hi,” I smiled at him.
“How was your day?” he questioned as we walked to the front of the school together.
“Exhausting… but good.” He nodded. “What about you?”
“My day was rather stupid. Your ‘friend’ was bothering me…” he let out a sharp breath.
“Oh, oh I’m so sorry about Jayce… I’ll tell him to back off.”
“No, it wasn’t Jayce. It was Zane.” I halted in the middle of the hallway. He turned and watched me.
“Zane? W-what are you talking about? He… he doesn’t…” I began hyperventilating.
“He does go here. He started a few days ago. I suppose you need to talk to him about that…” he showed no emotion on his face.
“I… I’ll see you later…” I hurried out of the school, searching for Zane. I suddenly spotted him talking with a group of seniors I didn’t know. I walked right up to him and yanked on his shirt. He turned around, utterly confused. Once he saw that I was me he just smiled. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I hissed. The other students said goodbye to him and left. I glared at Zane, despising him for the first time.
“It’s not what you think…” I folded my arms and pushed passed him. “Okay maybe it is,” he followed after me. Suddenly he grabbed my arm, forcing me to stop. I didn’t look at him. “But it’s for your own good.”
“I don’t see why you think I shouldn’t be around him! We’re friends now and there’s nothing you can do to change that. No matter what you say I’m not staying away from him.”
“There are some things you can’t ever know, and other things that you will see in time. I’ll be sticking around for a while, and you can’t change that. So get used to it.” He released me and stalked off in the opposite direction to his truck.
“Fine…” I hissed to myself.

The evening closed in quickly, faster than I wanted it to. I had told mom when I got home about the sleepover, and she was fine with it. This pleased me and angered me at the same time. I had no idea what I was going to tell Samantha and Lindsey, but I wanted to get away from all the nightmares. Hopefully this would help. I thought over a few lies I could use as I packed up a small bag. I had my iHome on with my favorite playlist going. I switched over to the bathroom and collected what I needed.
Once I was finished I headed over to the computer. It was 5:15pm; I would be heading over in about fifteen minutes. I logged on to my account and opened the internet. When my email popped up, I remembered that Derek had given me his email the other day. I raced into my room and dug through the pockets of my other pants. I finally found the small piece of paper with the messy email address scrolled on it. I had noticed over the first week of school that Derek had fairly decent handwriting, unlike me…
I added his email to my contacts and then clicked compose. I wrote a short simple email. I wasn’t sure what to say to him, so I started with “How are you?” I didn’t want to embarrass myself… yet. Right as I clicked reply, the phone rang. I jumped, since the phone in the computer room was extremely loud and annoying. I took a moment to let my heart rate return to normal then picked up the phone.
“Hello?” I said.
“Hi, it’s Sam.”
“Oh hey, what’s up?”
“I was just calling to make sure you’re ready.” I glanced at the clock. It was 5:30pm.
“Wow… time sure does fly.” I gave a quick laugh. Sam laughed as well.
“Yeah, so I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“’Kay, see you then.”
“’Kay, bye.” I could hear her smile in her tone.
“Bye.” I hung up the phone quickly and then rushed out of the room downstairs. I slipped on my shoes and got a sleeping bag along with one of my pillows. Suddenly there was a knock and the door. I quickly grabbed my key and gave my parents a hug goodbye.
“Hi,” I said quickly as I attempted to hold all of my things.
“Hey Em,” Sam smiled.
“’Kay lets go,” I headed out the door and called goodbye one more time to my parents. After I put my things in the trunk of Nancy’s car, I hopped in on the right side of the back seat and buckled myself in. Nancy, Sam’s mom, changed the car into reverse and backed up into the street. The car ride was short, since she only lived a few blocks away. We entered her house through the garage door to a chorus of loud barking. Nixie, Sam’s crazy, hyperactive dog was all over the place. Lindsey ran from around the corner tackling me with a giant hug.
“Em!” she squealed.
“Hey Linds,” I hugged her back with one arm. Once she had released me I placed my things on one of the chairs in the front room. Then we all rushed into Sam’s living room.
“Alright, we’ve got it all planed out. First off is dinner and videogames, then we can watch a movie, or two, and after that we go into our sleeping quarters and talk.” Sam smiled at me. It was difficult but I managed to smile back.
“Sounds good,” I said.
“Awesome.” Lindsey had brought over a few games which were spread out on the table in the middle of the room. We voted and finally picked one. After about a half hour the pizza was ready. We each grabbed two slices and continued our game. In no time it was eight ‘o clock, time for a movie. Once again we voted and our final choice was Monsters Inc. I guessed they wanted to keep me in a good mood for as long as possible. I just went along with it. When the movie was finished it was almost ten, so we played another video game, wasting another hour away.
It was eleven now so we decided to get ready for bed. Sam and Lindsey set up the bedroom while I changed. Then Lindsey got ready and last Sam. After she crept back into the room and closed the door quietly, they began attacking me.
“So, what happened?” Sam asked.
“Uh, can you be more specific?” I asked back.
“Jayce,” Lindsey hissed. I nodded.
“Oh,” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Well… it’s… complicated. I… really don’t know where to start.”
“Just tell us why you guys aren’t together.” Sam cut in. I let out a sharp breath.
“Complicated obviously isn’t the right word to make you guys understand how hard this is for me.” I spoke through my teeth. They didn’t say anything. I took in another deep breath. “Before the end of school, well… I thought I already told you guys this part… the thing with…” they shook their heads. “He, kissed me? You know… um…”
“What are you talking about?” Lindsey asked.
Shoot… I wanted to kill myself for this, “Conner kissed me.” Their eyes grew wide. “And after that, Jayce was acting all weird, and it wasn’t really working out. We spent a lot of time together, but he was really over protective. So one day, I ran into Conner, when I was walking back from Jayce’s house…” I replayed what really happened in my head, pausing. I felt my lip tremble.
“Oh Em,” Sam crawled over and gave me a hug. “Its okay… its okay…” she whispered.
“I’m not done,” I almost laughed. She pulled back and I continued. “He walked me home, and… wouldn’t leave when we got there. He wouldn’t let me close the door… and before that, Jayce and I had been in a fight, so I was angry with him. So… I… I just kissed him.” I smiled at the memory. Lindsey and Sam glanced at each other, each smiling. “And after that, he and I began spending more time together… and I got to know him better. But… then… when I saw Jayce again, I told him that… I loved him.” I was in almost as much shock hearing this as they were. “And after that… I went back to Conner… and I told him the same thing. It was the forth of July.”
“You told both of them that you love them… Em, what…” Sam stared at me with a confused and concerned look.
“Stop, let me finish.” I cut her off. She nodded. Lindsey was just staring at the floor. “That same day, Jayce wanted me back… and eventually… they were sharing me almost. It was… barbaric.” I was angry at the thought… because I knew what I should have done, and I messed it all up. “After a week or so of that, Conner was getting tired of it and wanted me all for himself, because… in truth, Jayce just wanted me for pleasure… Conner wanted me, because he truly loved me.”
“Em, you can’t just… believe that! I mean, we’re only sixteen! How could he have expressed true love! None of us understand everything… we haven’t seen all that the world has to offer for us…”
“Sam I have seen more that you can imagine. Don’t you dare say that to me! You have no idea.” I let my voice rise over hers.  
“Shh, you guys, quiet down…” Lindsey said gently. “Let her finish Sam.” I nodded at her in thanks.
“Alright, so, about three weeks ago, Conner was leaving, for good.” I knew they were wondering what I meant by ‘leaving’, so I took another deep breath. “He went somewhere… and I don’t know where… he’s out there on his own, and I have no way of finding him.”
“But, couldn’t you have called the police?” Lindsey wondered aloud.
“No, they won’t be able to find him, trust me.”
“How can you be so sure?” Sam asked.
“I just am, I know it sounds weird, but really, there’s no way.” I shook my head, forcing back tears. “But, before he left, he came to me and asked if I wanted to come with him, so that we could get away from everything… from everyone. I wanted to, but I couldn’t, because… I told him that I couldn’t just leave everything I had… I couldn’t leave my family, my friends… my whole life… I just couldn’t. So, he just… left.” They didn’t say anything. “And that’s why Jayce and I broke up.” I almost smiled.
“Wow,” Lindsey whispered. I sighed.
“I’m so sorry Em, really I am… I didn’t know it was like that.” Sam hugged me again.
“No one does… not even my parents know.”
“What about your sister?” Sam added.
“No… I haven’t told anyone but you two.” We didn’t talk for a few minutes… I decided it was best to let them take everything in.
“Jayce didn’t… hurt you did he?” Lindsey stared at me.
“Wha…” I was surprised by her question. “No, no he would never hurt me…”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, of course I’m sure… I mean…”
“Em, you say he never hurt you. But the way I see it is, he was cruel enough to keep you away from Conner, and just because he wanted to kiss you or what ever… I can see how much you care about Conner. I think that doing that to you for three months is pain enough to cause…”
“To cause what, Linds?”
“I… I don’t know…”
“Suicide?” They didn’t say anything. “Yeah, that’s right. Suicide.”
“You…?” I nodded. Sam gapped at me. I could see the horror and sorrow in their eyes. “Why didn’t you tell someone?”
“Sam, that’s just it… Jayce was there when I did that… along with Conner… They were in… a fight… and at that point, I had had enough.”
“They stopped you?” Sam asked.
“More like saved me…” I pulled my shirt down just enough so they could see the deep scar.
“Oh my god…” they said together. I let go of my shirt. But as I did so, I felt something against my chest. His necklace… Finally, what I had been expecting had come. Tears began cascading down my face which I hid in my hands. This time both of them hurried over to me and held me. Eventually I calmed down and we went to sleep.
Unfortunately… the nightmares came, and they were worse than ever.